▲

Questions

Fri, 03 May 2013 00:36:12 -0400

How much of the earth’s weight is made up of lost bobby pins?

How many pounds of bobby pins will I buy in my lifetime?

Where are all my fucking bobby pins?

Photo

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 23:04:53 -0400

Photo

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 08:49:21 -0400

Photo

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 22:57:25 -0500

love you too

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:37:15 -0500

more d00dles

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:35:45 -0500

more d00dles

eyeball doodles

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:34:12 -0500

eyeball doodles

wellalright: they did this study and found that people have to make arrested development references...

Sun, 23 Dec 2012 09:34:03 -0500

wellalright:

they did this study and found that people have to make arrested development references when given the chance. when presented with food or the opportunity to make an arrested development reference to another person, the test subject chose the arrested development reference every time until they eventually starved. the need to let people know you’re in on arrested development jokes takes maslow’s hierarchy of needs and throws it out the window.

ode to my childhood

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 00:09:00 -0400

ode to my childhood

My mom and I were visiting my brother a few weeks ago, and she kept referring to his new...

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 21:56:34 -0400

My mom and I were visiting my brother a few weeks ago, and she kept referring to his new “Macintosh laptop” that he got for work. So we corrected her, telling her they were actually just called “toshbooks,” and that when you say the whole phrase like that, it just sounds way uncool.

i was having problems with photoshop so i had my brother check...

Wed, 29 Aug 2012 12:34:30 -0400

i was having problems with photoshop so i had my brother check it out while i was at work, and he left me this little nugget in an open psd. haha i was wondering why i had a little hand giving the thumbs up saved to my clipboard

louisezhang: I finished the painting. I’m entering it in an art...

Sun, 26 Aug 2012 21:59:56 -0400

louisezhang:

I finished the painting. I’m entering it in an art prize. Finger’s crossed.

(watching tv, Married To Jonas commercial comes on)me: woah how old is isaac now? 30?kristen: wrong...

Sat, 11 Aug 2012 23:38:27 -0400

(watching tv, Married To Jonas commercial comes on)

me: woah how old is isaac now? 30?
kristen: wrong family band. that’s kevin.
me: what happened to nick though? he had so much potential. i thought he was going places.
k: he talked about his diabetus too much.
me: oh yea i forgot about that.

Photo

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 02:18:11 -0400

hi melody, just read/listened/looked at all 17 pages of your tumblr and would say it has been a glorious morning due to its fascinating content. surprised more people aren't obsessed with your page unless people are solely lurkin' - just wanted you to know that it's all very inspiring and your artwork is absolutely fantastic. love the cat balls as they resemble my morbidly obese skitty skat, will probably try to copy them later on. hope you're having a great day!

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 21:53:46 -0400

oh wow, thanks so much! this absolutely made my day.

the catballz were inspired by my own behemoth feline friend of 17 years, K.C. aka Moose. he’s the sweetest, most laid-back cat in the world. more like a dog than a cat, actually.
i’m glad you enjoy them. :)

(my sister and I, talking about our student loan debt):me: I was just talking to dad, and he was...

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 11:21:27 -0400

(my sister and I, talking about our student loan debt):

me: I was just talking to dad, and he was going on and on about how affordable college was back in his day and how he paid for an entire semester’s expenses just from a summer of mowing lawns. He was starting to do the calculations, and I had to just leave the conversation.
kristen: Ugh. Must be nice.
me: Yeah. But when I think about it… I like the internet. Nay, I LOVE the internet. Just having the internet around is worth well more than any debt I could ever accrue in my lifetime.
her: Ha, yeah. Sucks to grow up in the 60’s.
me: lol
her: lol

I’m in Seattle to do a private party. A potentially scary situation. The money is good, but who...

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 23:39:00 -0400

I’m in Seattle to do a private party. A potentially scary situation. The money is good, but who knows if there will be a microphone. Most likely there’ll be one guy I can’t make fun of. He’ll also be the person everybody looks at to see if he’s laughing. I bet he only laughs occassionally. He has a position to uphold. How can you laugh at everything and still be a leader? The Dali Lama seems to laugh a lot but we are about as west as you can get. The show starts at midnight. A very cool start time if you ask me. But I have to judge a drink making contest first. The private party is for a bunch of bartenders. Judging means I have to arrive early. And mingle, more or less. Not my style. Whenever I arrive to a club early it’s because there’s a greenroom I can hide out in. Mingling means I’ll be known as the comedian before I hit the stage (if there is one). People will be expecting me to be funny already. Funny already. A test I’ve failed many times.

“Hey, there’s the comedian. He doesn’t seem funny.” No shit. Because I’m trippin’ out, man. Here you are surrounded by those you know well. And here I am, fish outta water struggling to breathe. Tell you what…you be funny now. I’ll be quiet. A quiet guy is not necessarily unfunny. Think of Charlie Chaplin. The space shuttle soars through space. But most of the time it’s parked. Maybe on a launch pad. It is still the space shuttle. You can’t dis it because it’s resting. I’m on my launch pad. Soon the countdown will begin. I love funny people. I was funny in social situations. Still am. But when I turned that into my job, I eased off it in everyday situations. Tonight I’ll go onstage and make people laugh for 45 minutes. And I bet the funniest person you know, if you added up the amount of time in one day that they had people cracking up still wouldn’t add up to 45 minutes. “He doesn’t seem funny.”

Fuck off.

-excerpt from one of Mitch Hedburg’s notebooks

Photo

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 01:04:30 -0400

I know it's hard to believe,

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 22:00:11 -0400

but it is possible to cook a meal for yourself and not post a picture of it on Facebook immediately afterwards. Congrats on discovering the skillet, but your sauteed bag of frozen mixed vegetables and Uncle Ben’s rice is tantalizing 0% of your friends’ taste buds. I can promise you this.

Anyway, I need a nap and everything is annoying right now. At this moment, mankind could discover that Stephen Hawking has been living a second life in a utopian parallel universe he discovered and mentally projected his essential being onto during his own prognosis, waiting for the rest of the human race to evolve enough intellectually so that we can finally figure it out and join him in his little glitch in the matrix… and yet, I’d remain here, sitting at my laptop with a judgemental look on my face, atop my stupid twin bed i’ve had my entire post-crib life, eternally unimpressed.

cashier lady at Dillard’s: (takes my dress) ah! i could never wear this around my cats. the...

Wed, 30 May 2012 17:41:56 -0400

cashier lady at Dillard’s: (takes my dress) ah! i could never wear this around my cats. the hair would stick right to it.
me: heh. yea, i know the feeling.
her: that’s why i have my mechanical cats now! no fur. their eyes light up and they have these fiber optic whiskers. they’re just like a real cat, except a robot! they really do make marvelous pets. i have five of them.
me: …heh..
her: i went out of town last week and had my sister watch them for me, and she told me she locked them in the closet all week because they were freaking her out. haha! she could have just taken out the batteries. i don’t believe in doing that though. taking out the batteries. it… changes them.

me: …dafuq